Wild Horses

20170804_193359If you know my husband or I personally, then there’s a good chance that you’ve noticed something different about us lately.. I see it in both of us. Not just the dark circles under the eyes or the extra weight gain (stress eating is REEEEAL), but something more abstract. Something inside of us is different.

I can’t speak for my husband, but I can tell you about me. Adoption broke me. Like a wild horse being tamed. We’ve taken a beating and I’m just exhausted.

Our adoption has not fallen apart and we pray that it doesn’t. However, the one thing we’ve learned well is that ANYTHING is possible.

We are living in a constant state of anxiety and fear. We are so in love with this baby already and we’re just waiting for the rug to be ripped from under us. Did you know that this is the twelfth child we’ve been contacted about? Twelve. That means eleven other times, it hasn’t worked out. Some of them were shorter lived dreams than others.. This is definitely the closest we’ve come so far, but our experiences have left us terrified.

I have always been a believer of ‘Everything happens for a reason’. Sometimes the reasons aren’t understood, though. Sometimes the reasons aren’t what we want. I pray every day (ha, more like every hour..) that the reason we’ve gone through all of this is to bring us to this baby. Not just any baby, THIS baby. We’ve heard his heartbeat, felt him kick. We’ve counted down the moments until his arrival.

Another reason I know we’ve taken this road is because of the character it has built within us. Not just individually, but as a couple. We’re stronger. Mikel has been my best friend since the day we met. There’s no one else I’d rather hang out with. And that has been a great foundation for our marriage. But this is more than a friendship. This partnership -this team- is everything. Remember how I said I was broken? He is the one picking me back up, wiping the dirt off my face and inspiring me to keep carrying on. He heals my brokenness every time. And when I swear that I just can’t possibly take any more, he’s there.

Its like a broken bone.. I broke my collar bone when I was 16. There’s now a lump where the bone calcified around the break to heal it. So now, that same spot that broke? It’s stronger than the rest of the bone because it has been reinforced. Breaking actually made it stronger..

Together, Mikel and I have got this. It’s not for the weak.. Or maybe it is? As long as you’ve got the right person by your side helping you carry on, you can be as weak as you need to be..

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